So I was asked to create a journal. First entry.

sometimes its okay to be metaphorically naked... so to speak. 






     so i was asked to create a journal by a good friend who is presently serving as my mentor/protector/friend. When i met with LadyCherly to discuss my "contract" i felt relatively secure in what i was reading and signing.  it seemed like what i wanted.  the problem came when i didn't get what i wanted.  here i was, wanting to exert my control and make a decision that wasn't mine to make.  i wanted full choice/control to play with a mutual friend of ours.  someone that is trusted and accepted in the community and someone that my girlfriend feels comfortable me playing with.  i wanted to make/schedule my own playtime with this person and while i was given the ability to keep the playdate there were apparently parameters set by my mentor/protector.  i was upset because i felt like i wasnt being treated as an adult.  that i was incompetent in taking care of myself and my own needs.  
     so after much talking to my bestest friend in the community, as well as a few other trusted sources that this is in fact was what i signed up for.  i wanted someone to keep me safe so that i dont get hurt, so that i can eventually make my own safe choices, and so that my heart/body/mind/soul do not get smashed to a million pieces.  i wanted someone to help ease me into areas where i feel uncomfortable, ease me into areas where i feel are out of my reach, and ease me into understanding and accepting some degree of full submission.  people who know me well know that while i put on a good facade, i am just as sensitive as the next person and i do get attached easily, i need her protection and her support.  so i admit, i was wrong, i got grumpy, i had an attitude, and it was uncalled for.  
     so the night came and yes, she was right.  in whatever fashion they agreed, the night was one that was "safe" for me.  i didnt feel hurt/harmed or broken.  rather i felt closer to a friend that i dearly care for.  i felt "nicely" used and abused, and for a time being, nothing but just "being in the moment" existed.  i forgot about all my little quirks, i forgot about how "messed up" my hair had become, i concentrated on breathing and listening and feeling.  and it was wonderful.  
     i've learned its okay to not be right... that its okay to let someone teach me and guide me.  that i dont exactly know it all... today is a good day.  i feel at peace... and my nipples are sore. so it was a good night.  xoxo. 

these type things are evil... pure evil i tell you.