the picture above represents where i typically am on any given day. Stressed! Its funny when i found this picture... many of the traits listed above fit me on any given day. with trying to manage a home life, a personal life, kids, a hectic profession, financial and school responsibilities it can be a bit overwhelming.
the other day my partner wanted to play... i
knew all day and while i was excited to spend this alone time with her, i couldnt get into the "mindset" to play. i tried perving fetlife, i tried imagining things, etc, but alas... i couldnt get there.
i am a very reactive person to rope. for those
that have seen me experience rope, you know what it can and does do to me. but i say, just because physically im excited, does not mean that emotionally or mentally i am there as well.
i tried my hardest to allow myself to fall into that wonderful headspace that i have come to CRAVE. but alas... nothing. (now i know my girlfriend is going to read this, but that's okay...) i was physically able to enjoy but my head was tossing between the issue that i've been dealing with about being "neglected" by a top i played with on saturday, to oh crap we have a ton of kids on our schedule tomorrow, to damnit where are the dogs, to the kids come home this weekend and they better behave. yep, hard to go into subspace when you're thinking and cannot clear your mind.
how do those of you who can do this at the drop of a dime achieve such a feat? your input will be greatly appreciated. i miss my head being in the clouds and not being able to mentally function for a few days... its a "high" unlike anything i've experienced.
give me my clouds again....
Enigma
I guess I sort of get what you mean. First time Bourbonlime spanked me, I got "high" afterward and went into subspace, but today I knew I had to go to work right after, so no subspace.
ReplyDeleteToday, at first, I kept an eye on the time, but then I trusted Bourbonlime to know when to call it quits for us since he knew when I had to be at work. And I just let myself go and leave it all up to him. So I suppose a part of falling into subspace has something to do with letting go and simply trusting who you are with to be able to take care of everything which needs to be taken care of. And allowing yourself to go there.
Some of it is also simply letting go and deciding to worry about "tomorrow" once the play is done. Just live in the moment. I'm great at procrastinating, so perhaps this is a little easier for me, but I'm really good at just letting my mind fall blank when I'm playing and living in the moment, not thinking or worrying about anything else around me or what needs to be done later. I know there will be time for that once the play is over. When I'm playing, that's MY time to decompress and let the world fall away, so I relish it and try not to let anything intrude on it.
Dunno if that helps at all, but I hope it does.