it feels like life has been in slow motion since sunday the 18th of December. the whirl of preparing a party for close to 25 kinksters, the hustle and commotion of entertaining and trying to have a good time yourself. you get lost in the shuffle. i had the opportunity to "play" with a friend i've met through the lifestyle on sunday at our party... and after speaking with my girlfriend was told that this was okay... that it was fine with her. so i did. he gently, over clothes used his whip... and later on, in panties and a tank top he bound me in rope... i softly drifted into subspace, feeling calm, serene, centered. he stroked my hair, my neck... i walked around the rest of the night in a cloud. feeling like i had not a care in the world. i thought i had found the person i wanted to grow with. i thought i found the person i wanted to learn from. little did i know, it would soon be shattered.
whether it be the jealousy bug, or what have you, my girlfriend felt left out, felt uncomfortable with this interaction and wrote this person. my world seemed to collapse when i received an email from him stating that i needed to talk to my girlfriend about whats been going on.... then i basically get accused by someone else of "cheating" on my girlfriend. WTF? i dont get it... i go through the appropriate channels, i say and do what i am supposed to, im open, honest and forthright and i basically get told that i am wrong...
things have since worked out with that issue to a degree. this person has agreed to experiment in play with me again, but what will i have to face when she decides she can't handle this? where does that leave me? i attempt to build relationships and they end because of feelings of others that im not even aware of...
maybe this lifestyle just isnt for me and i need to say goodbye.
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