the picture above represents where i typically am on any given day. Stressed! Its funny when i found this picture... many of the traits listed above fit me on any given day. with trying to manage a home life, a personal life, kids, a hectic profession, financial and school responsibilities it can be a bit overwhelming.
the other day my partner wanted to play... i
knew all day and while i was excited to spend this alone time with her, i couldnt get into the "mindset" to play. i tried perving fetlife, i tried imagining things, etc, but alas... i couldnt get there.
i am a very reactive person to rope. for those
that have seen me experience rope, you know what it can and does do to me. but i say, just because physically im excited, does not mean that emotionally or mentally i am there as well.
i tried my hardest to allow myself to fall into that wonderful headspace that i have come to CRAVE. but alas... nothing. (now i know my girlfriend is going to read this, but that's okay...) i was physically able to enjoy but my head was tossing between the issue that i've been dealing with about being "neglected" by a top i played with on saturday, to oh crap we have a ton of kids on our schedule tomorrow, to damnit where are the dogs, to the kids come home this weekend and they better behave. yep, hard to go into subspace when you're thinking and cannot clear your mind.
how do those of you who can do this at the drop of a dime achieve such a feat? your input will be greatly appreciated. i miss my head being in the clouds and not being able to mentally function for a few days... its a "high" unlike anything i've experienced.
give me my clouds again....
Enigma
